Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a bottle of water.
My Grandfather died peacefully behind the wheel of his car, not like his passengers who were screaming and yelling!
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
If I had a pound for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.